Almost Done

After four hours of painting, vacuuming and carpet cleaning, all I have left to do in Ryan's room is to paint his toy box and shelves. Then I can bring everything back in and set up his new bed. He is super excited. I did have to tell him that the color of his walls are "baseball diamond sand" colored after he asked why I hadn't painted them dark red and navy. That seemed to appease him for now.

That blue paint is worse than I thought.




"Baseball diamond sand" colored walls. So much better. All we need are some red and navy accents. Oh, and some furniture might go a long way, too.

Room Renovation Update

The following is a free tip on how to know when you can no longer put off washing that kitchen floor. Sadly, I was more upset at losing my large diet coke from McD's than I was about the mess.



Tomorrow is the big day! Ryan's room is empty, the trim is all taped and the paint is purchased.

But first we have to make time for a little mattress surfing. What? Don't tell me you would have passed on an opportunity like this!

Two hours later and he's still at it!

Honestly? I knew these colors were a mistake before we were even out of the store 5 years ago. Ryan had insisted on blue and green - the super dark kind. This was our way of compromising and keeping his room from looking like the bat cave and scaring the hell out of him at 3am!

His new bedding is again sport's themed in a navy/dark red/tan color scheme. Tomorrow the walls will become tan. Next the shelves and his toy box (not pictured) will be painted navy and dark red.

For the time being, Ryan's room has currently moved into our room and he's taken over my half of the bed. He's tossed my pillows out into the hallway and replaced them with his own! Guess I'm sleeping elsewhere for the next couple of nights.

Legos - 3, Lynda - 1

May I present to you, the unfinished Lego Room. It's still a work in progress - needs more shelves added and the bed switched out, but Ryan loves it.

Unfortunately, this isn't even all of his legos. There are more that we had to put back into the boxes due to lack of room in his bedroom. Hence, the need for more shelving.

This bed will be swapped out with Ryan's twin bed. We're going to set it up as a daybed so that Ryan will have more space to play.

This was just the first phase. Next I have to deal with their messy bedrooms.

Scorecard: Legos - 3, Me - 0

I've got a new project here at home. After breaking it to my mom that she is losing her "bedroom" downstairs to her Grandson's Legos, I've decided to redo both kids' bedrooms.

Ryan has had this bad habit of climbing into bed with us at night and you would think the three of us would fit in a king size bed, but no, we don't thanks to a certain 7 year old that seems to think he requires 2/3 of said king size bed.

You'd also think that we'd come to our senses and put him back in his own bed, but no, we don't thanks to a total lack of any functional brain cells at 3am. Instead I end up in his little twin size bed because it's easier than trying to get my husband to carry the kid back to his bed.

So my solution? Give me a bigger bed to escape to the kid the bigger bed (Ashley already has a bigger bed) from the bedroom downstairs and move the nightmare Lego mess to it's own room downstairs. My mom can take one of the kids' beds when she visits and we'll just move whatever kid is left me downstairs to the twin bed.

I did manage to find new bedding for both kids today. As soon as I get cracking I'll take before and after pictures. It's going to take awhile since painting is going to be called for and time is already at a minimum. I must have a screw lose in my brain to be adding more to the month of June, however the Lego situation has been driving me to the brink of insanity!

And hey! Guess who passed the six month mark of nonsmoking and didn't even realize it until she looked at the ticker to the left?

Check It

I haven't laughed this hard in quite some time. This is for all of us who keep tabs on our Site Meters. Enjoy.

Chief's Game

While Ashley and I stayed in and rented a movie (don't bother) last night, Bret and Ryan took in a Peoria Chief's game. Ryan was really excited because he got there in time to win a Derek Lee Bobble Head. He must have played hard, because he was exhausted when he got home. However, the day must have been harder on me because I was in bed before all of them last night.

This morning I was up early and out the door before everyone else was awake. I thought I had a hair appointment for 9am, but realized it wasn't until noon so I spent the morning shopping and treated myself to lunch out at Panera Bread. I've never sat and eaten lunch by myself before, but it was oddly calming and relaxing.

By noon I was back for my appointment with Shawn and got the works done. It had been a year since I had last gotten highlights and I was much over do for a cut. My last haircut had been at one of those cheap places and I've found that it's usually either a hit or miss experience - my last one being a total miss.

So now I'm ready for summer and can tuck my awful ponytail holders into the back of my bathroom drawer.

Summer At It's Best

Summer is in full swing and busier than ever over here. From busy mornings of swim lessons and sports camps to evening baseball and softball games, the only other thing left to squeeze into our summer days are lazy afternoons at the pool - which hasn't happened yet due to all of the crazy storms that keep rolling through the midwest. Enough already. Bring me a hot sunny pool day!

Ashley's softball team won again tonight. It was by far the most fun game to watch yet. They were tied in the last inning and only needed to score 1 run to win the game. Ashley was second up to bat with a girl on second. She hit a double and the rest was history! That puts them at 4 wins, 1 loss. (That 1 loss doesn't really count though, because that game didn't count for their conference.)

Ashley's team in royal blue, warming up before the game starts.




Ashley's second to last time up at bat.

MVP and Indecision

Summer is in full swing over here. Last night was Ashley's second Softball game and while they did end up losing (thankfully the game didn't count), Ashley was voted MVP by her team. All three times she was up to bat, she had great hits. She had a double, a triple and then a home run! It got pretty exciting because right after Ash hit her home run, her teammate up after her hit a home run, too. You rarely see any home runs in this age group so that made it all that much sweeter! She was very proud of herself!

She somehow managed to turn into a mini grown up over the past few months. I gave in and let her go to the pool at the Y with just her girlfriends yesterday. I was a nervous wreck, calling her cell phone and checking in on her frequently. I'm just not ready to let go yet, but am finding that I don't have much of a choice. She's growing up and I'm so proud of her.

I trust her, but we may have to rejoin the Y so I can keep track of her and what she's doing - instead of just letting her spend the summer there as a guest of her friends. We'll see, because if I do this I'll have to give up my Gold's Gym membership and work out there instead. I love Gold's and their classes, but let's face it - summer is so busy for us that I'm not sure I'll get to the gym on a regular basis. If I transfer my membership to the Y, then I won't feel so guilty when I can't find the time to get there to work out, because we'll still be using the facility for the pool.

I love Gold's though. Their classes are what keeps me going back and they have the best equipment around. Plus we love the other pool that we usually go to - there's more there for Ryan to do. However, that pool is a bit of a drive and gas is at $4 a gallon. Ugh, I can't decide!

My Workout Log

Week Four:
Tuesday: 30 minute brisk walk on Rock Island Trail

Week Three (Oct 2008):
Sunday: 90 min walk through corn maze
Thursday: 30 minute brisk walk on Rock Island Trail
Saturday: 2 & 1/2 mile hike up and down steep hills, 20 minute hike - normal terrain


Week Two:
Monday: 10 min treadmill (3.2), 10 min elliptical (4.8), 10 min treadmill (3.2)
Tuesday: 10 min treadmill (3.2), 10 min elliptical (5.0), 10 min treadmill (3.4)
Thursday: 15 min treadmill (3.2), 15 min elliptical (4.8)
Friday: 10 min treadmill (3.2), 15 min elliptical (6.0)


Week One (Sept 2008):
Wednesday: 10 min treadmill (3.0), 10 min elliptical (4.5), 5 min treadmill (3.2)
Thursday: 10 min treadmill (3.2), 10 min elliptical (4.8), 10 min treadmill (3.4)
Friday: 10 min treadmill (3.2), 10 min elliptical (5.0), 15 min treadmill (3.4)


Finally getting back into the gym again! The plan is to take is slow and ease back into the high intensity classes and weight lifting classes when my schedule allows it.

Summertime

The agenda for today? A good book in the sun on the deck out back while the kids play. Now all I need is a pool.

(Not sure about this whole comeback thing here, but it's kind of catchy.)



Update... Guess who forgot the sunblock today? Ouch.

Camera Dump

Because I've been a neglectful blogger as of late, I'm making up for it now with a few pictures from today's camera dump. (You don't want to know how neglectful I have been of my photo albums.)

Here we have a picture I took from when Ashley's school band played downtown at Art In The Park.



Next is a picture I took of Ryan excavating his dinosaur. He got this kit (and about 10 other books) from a reading program at school. Now you all know where your $10 pledges went to. Yes, there was a dinosaur skeleton in there. He loved this project!

Taken today, who says you need a horse to be a successful knight? Ryan and his friend Ben (who is sporting a shiny pimpin' black Cadillac himself) have been out back having a blast. It's the 2nd full day of Summer Vacation and it's beautiful, fairly sunny and 72 degrees. What am I doing sitting in here on the computer then? I'm outta here...

Unleashed

The teenager was officially unleashed over here at our house. Ashley brought home straight A's on her report card again so we wanted to reward her for all of her hard work and effort. She never fails to make us proud, always helps out with her younger brother and Chloe, treats everyone with kindness and respect and does what is asked of her. (OK, making her bed every morning hasn't stuck yet, but we're working on it.) To sum it all up, she makes us feel like a success in the parenting department.

So, after dinner last night we took the kids with us to Verizon so Bret could upgrade his cell phone. While there, we added a text messaging plan to Ashley's phone. She's been begging since she got the thing in February for her birthday and it was only a matter of time anyway.

She now gets unlimited "in" texting and 500 non-Verizon customer text messages a month. Thankfully, it seems all of her friends use Verizon. And thanks to her Internet savvy parents, we can monitor her usage online so that she doesn't go over.

Speaking of monitoring usage. I checked her usage online just now. I figured she probably had racked up maybe 50 texts or so in the past 24 hours. *Gulp*. Are you ready for this? It wasn't 50. Not even close. Try 278! OMG! 278! In 24 hours! (That was me you just heard hitting the floor, passed out cold.) Thank God those texts are the unlimited ones.

OK, it's been about 10 or 15 more minutes now. Let's check the stats again. 309 - and she's still at it back there in her room. I think it may be time to shut her down for the night.

Summer Vacation...

...begins today. Only it's 59 and rainy. Ashley's first softball game is tonight if the fields dry up by then. Maybe I'll remember to take the camera along. (I kicked myself 20 times for forgetting it when we went to the Pirates game this past weekend.)

Gotta Love Google

I love it when new readers find me, but sometimes I'm a little embarassed about *how* they find me.

Just today alone someone from New Mexico found me by googling "how to excite a man". Google brought them to this post. I'm still dying from embarassment and am pretty sure I wasn't much help.

Someone from Seattle also found me today by googling "mixing medicine and alcohol". Google brought them to this post. I brought it on myself by posting this first. Not my proudest moment! Don't do it, Seattle!

Booked

Florida, here we come! It's booked - 4 nights, five days at a resort on St. Pete Beach in July. I am once again more excited about this summer's vacation than anyone else in this family. It will be the first time the kids and I will get to see the ocean. I. can't. wait.

Bret and the kids just took off to see the new Indiana Jones movie, which gives me some time by myself to throw on the iPod and clean up the house. Tonight we're taking our kids and our niece and nephew and a couple of Ashley's friends to the Peoria Pirates (football) game. Bret scored some free tickets since he works for the City of Peoria. Two adults and 6 kids. Hmm, are we crazy?

Slacking Off

So, do I still have any readers out there? I've been a bad, bad blogger lately. Sorry about that, but the end of the school year is ridiculously crazy around here. The kids have two more days left of school, plus 2 hours next week and then it's summer vacation. They are very excited and ready for a break - if you can call it that. I've got them signed up for so much during the months of June and July that they'll be begging to go back to school in August.

I've also been trying to plan our family vacation. I think we're going to fly down to St. Petersburg, FL for 4 nights and 5 days. The airport here in Peoria has direct flights and it seems to fit our budget. We'll probably visit Busch Gardens, take in a Devil Rays baseball game and have some down time on the beach outside of the beautiful resort I'm hoping to stay at. Once again, I may be the one who is more excited about this vacation than anyone. It'll be my first time seeing an ocean. I know it's the Gulf of Mexico, but it's still an ocean to me.

Today it's just me here. I'm going to bask in the alone time (which means I'll end up fiercely cleaning my house). Chloe is at home with her mom and the kids are off to school. One day for just me.

Perfect Day

What does the perfect Saturday consist of for you?

For me? It consists of a day that is warm and sunny that starts at my son's baseball practice, where he hits the machine pitched ball and runs to first base with the biggest smile on his face. Then he takes his turn in the outfield and misses catching the ball so badly that he smiles that goofy smile that is distinctly Ryan's. He'll keep trying and will soon enough be able to catch it. To see him so proud makes my heart swell with love.

Then it continues on to my daughter's softball scrimmage game where she hits a double. As soon as her game was over, the field began filling up with a team of 1st & 2nd grade girls and I found myself reflecting on how fast my daughter has grown up, as it only seems like yesterday that she was that small and still learning how to play the game. Now she's got a powerful swing and is one of the best girls on her team.

My perfect Saturday continued on to lunch out with my husband and children, then home where I sat on our deck in a comfy chair with my face offered up to the sun while the sounds of lawnmowers, children playing and neighbors landscaping swirled all around me.

I'm back in the house now and am going to start looking into some ideas we've been throwing around for a family vacation this summer. It won't be anything like last summer's Disney Vacation, but we'll get to spend uninterrupted time together - which is what really matters.

Dose Of Summer

I think I may have just gotten a dose of what summer is going to be like. As soon as Ryan and his friend that I watch afterschool got off of the bus today, another friend of theirs from across the street came over and they played. Enough? No.

Less than an hour later, Ashley's bus pulls up and off come her and 4 friends. They've been practicing a dance that they're doing for the school talent show. Enough? No.

An hour after that my nephew, Mitchell was dropped off for us to watch tonight. We fed them all (minus the two friends of Ryan's that have already gone home) dinner and then I took 5 preteen girls and a 3 year old boy to the mall to buy their all important matching shirts.

My question is this. How did Bret manage to only end up with 1 kid (Ryan) tonight?

Update: So I go downstairs to check on the girls and they're on speaker phone with *a boy* and the girls start saying "POS". Little do they know that I speak text and know it means "parent over shoulder". Ha. Guess that means I need to go do some eavesdropping.

Been Awhile

It's been awhile and I apologize for my lack of blogging over the past week. As the school year comes to an end, and spring and summer sports start up, things have gotten kind of stressful around here. Changes are in the works...

Volleyball officially ended tonight. Ashley's team came in first place and now we can focus on softball, baseball and all of the endless summer camps and activities that the kids are signed up for. Yea for us.

I've come to the conclusion that things are different now with my mother in law gone and they'll most likely never be the same again. She was such an important part of our lives and it will never feel "normal" again. So many times I've had to stop myself from calling her when I've needed advice, an ear to vent to or to just share a funny story with. Mother's Day was difficult last weekend. It was so obvious that she was missing and the need to feel her presence was so strong that we all gathered at the Mausoleum to spend a few minutes with her. I'm not sure any of us will get use to her being gone.

I've continued to help take care of Bret's Grandma every morning and have come to enjoy the closer bond that I feel I share with her now. She really thrives when all of the kids and grand kids come together for dinner - which we've been doing a few nights a week, thanks to all of the generous friends that are still making meals for us. Can I take a moment to tell you that we had the most practical gift come in during the days right after Sally's death? Toilet paper. Is that not the perfect gift? When you're in shock and grieving, who thinks of toilet paper and whether or not there is enough to accommodate the dozens of people coming and going?

Moving on, I've come to a sort of crossroads where I had to make a very difficult decision. I gave my notice to Chloe's parents and am taking some time off to spend with my kids this summer. In the fall, I'll probably look into some kind of part time job at Ryan's school or maybe one of the other schools in the district, but for now I just really felt like I owed it to my kids to just be their mom. There has been so much going on over the past month and I was starting to get really overwhelmed and stressed out. I just wasn't sure how I was going to handle everything on my plate this summer and something had to change. I'm still not sure I've made the right decision at this point because I'm going to miss her like crazy, but I have to focus on my own family.

My biggest concern is Ryan. He's made considerable gains in school and his grades are back up to satisfactory, but he has a long way to go. I need the freedom to be able to seriously work with him this summer and do whatever I can to help him.

And also? Let's face it. My kids are growing up so fast and I really want to spend the summer with them while they still want to do things with me. I want them to be able to have friends over or go places instead of my always saying no because of small napping children. I want to be a better mom - a mom that hasn't mentally and physically checked out by 4pm.

I can't see the future - nor do I think I would want to - but I hope I've made the right decision.

Just One More Day

Only one more day and this week will finally be over. I think I've pretty much run myself ragged. From running errands to dentist appointments to toddler tumbling classes to orthodontic check ups to 3 different sport practices - I am completely exhausted. The past two days I've fallen dead asleep for one good hour both days when Chloe has napped and it's really cost me. My laundry has piled up and there's been a load forgotten in the washing machine for two days now. (Yes, that's probably what you're smelling.) While for some miraculous reason, the house is pretty tidy (maybe because we've barely been here), it's due for a scrubbing.

We are still being brought meals three nights a week from our friends that volunteered to cook for us when Bret's mom died and while I do feel kind of guilty accepting them, it's made things so much easier. We've been taking them over and sharing them with the rest of the family at Bret's parent's house. If we didn't have such good friends, we'd probably all be starving right now.

Tomorrow is my last crazy day, but the craziest one of the week. I have to give a thank you speech (that I still haven't written yet) at Ryan's school on behalf of the PTO at our year end volunteer breakfast. Then I have to pick up baby Luke and take him and Chloe downtown to watch Ashley's school band play during the lunch hour, all the while praying that Luke won't scream bloody murder for his mom the whole time, the way he has been for the past two freaking months. If that's not enough, Ryan has a birthday party (that I still need to go get a gift for) and Ashley has two volleyball games after school.

Yea. I'm ready for this week to be done. But first I have to go get my morning before school routine done right now so that I can get a shower in before I have to leave in the morning.

Maybe we do need another wife. (Ok, I'm sorry. That's really not funny.)

Weekly Winners

Ryan really digs the sun roof of Bret's new car.

Ashley and her pup.
My little man, before going to his Concert at school. Ryan and I.
Ryan and Bret.

Ryan's School Music Concert

My precious boy is the one in the blue shirt and in the back row. He's also the directionally challenged one, but super cute.

Entertaining Myself

This afternoon I took Ashley and her friend to see this movie and while most of the funny parts were already shown in the movie's trailer, it was still a pretty good movie. (That's all you're going to get out of me.)

However, the whole can't be seen out and about with mom apparently starts at 12 years old. They wanted to go by themselves, but Bret and I felt we weren't ready for all of that to start yet. So, I went with and sat by myself - because I couldn't find anyone else my own age who was free today. Let me tell you, going to a movie by yourself? Feels very weird.

Next on my list of things I've decided to entertain myself with today would be this book that I checked out from the library after reading an excerpt posted by Jamie. A very fascinating read, I must say. Only after reading this book, I may no longer be able to bring myself to joke about Bret and I needing another wife anymore. While it would be nice to have someone to dump the cooking, cleaning and laundry onto, it doesn't seem so funny anymore.

Progress

After talking to the Special Education teacher who will (and has been) working with Ryan at school, I'm a little less confused. She's actually a good friend of mine that lives down the street and Ryan adores her, so that works in our favor. She explained to me that Ryan's test scores aren't really as low as we were led to believe.

While there may be a learning disability, it's hard to know for sure, since he was already 5 years old when we figured out that he had hearing loss. There are other factors in play here such as 5 years of catching up on hearing that he missed out on before getting his hearing aids. Then there is the delay at the beginning of the school year of getting the proper fitting FM System so that he could hear his teacher talk into a microphone that goes straight to his hearing aids, which may be why he fell behind in the first place.

The problem with all of the testing that they did on him is that they are standard tests that they use on every child that is struggling. They don't take into account that he has hearing loss. The same is true when they do these tests on a child with autism. I have a hard time understanding why they would use the same tests on both kids.

Regardless, I have a lot of faith in Ryan's Special Education teacher. She has goals set for him and high expectations, too. She's said that Ryan has made great progress since she's started working with him and that he should continue to be able to catch up.

Someday, when he's a doctor or a lawyer we're going to look back and shake our heads. We probably still won't fully understand it then. I'm just thankful that we live in such a great school district.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Today was the much anticipated IEP meeting at school. All sorts of people with important looking initials after their names had done a full range of evaluations on Ryan and today was the day that we learned of the results. Or were suppose to, but really I only feel more confused.

Ryan's evaluations show that he has a learning disability. Only I don't really understand what kind of a learning disability he has. Shouldn't that be obvious? Isn't the term "learning disability" a pretty general condition? (See, you're confused now, too, aren't you?)

He struggles in Reading and Math. He has Motor Planning and Sensory Issues. I did pick up on some low scores regarding Auditory Processing. I may have also heard someone say "not related to his hearing loss" at some point during the meeting. They all seemed to rush through their reports or were speaking another language all together, and I had a hard time making sense of it all. The part I did pick up on over and over again? "Bottom line of average. Below average."

This all important meeting is being concluded in two weeks because his Speech Therapist didn't show up today. So I'm pretty sure I'll be on the phone with the person in charge of all of this tomorrow - asking her to go over all of this in English because I want to know what is wrong with my baby!

Bottom line? My son is struggling in school and it's not his fault and I have to force myself to believe that it's not *our* fault. He qualifies for Special Education, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy and a Hearing Consultant. Their major goal right now is to close the gap from between where he stands right now educationally to where his peers stand. I should be glad they are so proactive, but I just wish I could understand more of what is going on. I wish I knew what to do.

This is where it really hits home that my mother in law isn't with us anymore. I'd give almost anything right now to be able to ask her for help. She was a Speech Pathologist and knew her stuff. We'd always go straight to her and have a pow wow when these meetings were over.

Where in the world do we go from here?

Unlucky, Part Two

I guess when you shake over 200 hundred hands at your mother in law's funeral, it shouldn't surprise you when you end up with a fever, chills and body aches a week later.

Wanted

Wanted:

Someone to clean my 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom ranch style house because apparantely a calf injury makes that a wee bit hard to do. Please be advised - a 7 year old can't hit the bowl for the life of him little boy resides here.

Unlucky

I may just happen to be the most unlucky person ever. Just over three weeks ago, I sprained my calf muscle, which forced me to discontinue going to the gym for awhile.

Then I sprained it again last week, when I wasn't thinking and tried to run to the the ambulance and my father in law's car the night my mother in law passed away. I felt it snap again that night, but ended up ignoring it and limping around until it started feeling better again.

So, that brings me to today. I tried to run again without thinking and then SNAP goes my calf. And can I just tell you that it hurts like a bleep bleep bleep?!

Moving on...

It took me awhile to unload pictures from my camera, but I thought I'd share a couple.

This is one of the angel statues that was removed from Sally's casket before her burial. One was given to each of her grandchildren since in essence, they were her angels. They sit on our mantle for now. Also you'll see two of the flowers that we saved from her casket spray.





Here we have Ashley and Ryan looking way older and more mature than they have the right to look on the morning on her funeral. Ryan was pretty proud of his tie and kept trying to swing it without using his hands.

Two days after Sally passed away, we had an earthquake that measured a magnitude 5.4 or something. We rarely have earthquakes here in the midwest so we ended up having a good laugh and determined that Sally must have just been given a list of all of our dirty laundry up there in heaven.

Well, I'm off to ice my calf again!

Trying For "Normal"

My mother-in-law's funeral services this weekend were beautiful. No one has counted, but if I had to guess I'd say there had to have been over 200 people that came to say goodbye to Sally at her visitation on Saturday. That day was a lot easier to get through than I thought it would be.

Yesterday was the most difficult day yet for me. I've always been a very spiritual person and I believe that there are things out their that we can't not make sense of or understand. Since she passed away last Wednesday night, it feels likes she's been with us. Maybe she has been or maybe I just need to feel that way so that I can get through this, but it really has helped. After our final goodbye's at the funeral home yesterday morning, we waited in the foyer while they closed the casket so the pallbearers could carry her out. During that exact time, the grandfather clock near us started chiming. It could have been planned or it could have been coincidence, but it felt to me like it symbolized her passing. It was almost as if at that moment, she was telling us that that she was moving on and that it was time for us to do so as well.

We went on to her final resting place after that and had a quick blessing. The ceramic angels were taken off of her casket and given to us for each of her grandchildren, along with a flower each from the casket spray. We stayed to watch the casket put into the vault of the mausoleum and it was during that time that I lost it. When the granite stone was being placed over the opening of the vault and I could no longer see her casket, I broke down and let it all out.

Things have gotten better for us now. Bret tried to go back to work today, but may come home if it gets to be too much for him. I went over and got his Grandma out of bed and bathed and dressed her this morning. The kids went back to school and Ashley has Volleyball practice tonight, but we'll all gather at Bret's parent's house again tonight, I'm sure. Life goes on, but it may take a bit longer to get back on track.

Getting By

It's only been less than 4 days since Sally passed away, but it feels like so much more time has passed. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and I'm sure we've only partially made our way through them. All of the busy work of planning has helped - I never knew how much planning went into a funeral.

One of the things that we've been putting a lot of work into are picture memorials. We have 3 huge collages made of pictures of Sally from birth to present to show how much meaning her life has had. Some of those pictures and her obituary can be viewed at http://www.mem.com/. Her last name is the same as ours and her first name is Sally. I will warn you that the movie is difficult to watch - it will be playing at the funeral home and we've all broken down when watching it already. If you don't know our last name and would like to visit the site, just leave me your email address in the comments and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

The kids seem to be doing much better. We've all been surrounded by family, and being able to play with their cousins from sun up to sun down has really helped them get through this. The rest of us still have our moments when the water works come with no warning, but I think the shock is starting to wear off and the acceptance is beginning to come.

Visitation and funeral services are this afternoon (with the burial tomorrow morning) and will probably bring the grief back all over again, but hopefully closure will follow. We've all been putting together mementos that are important to each of us to place in the memory drawer of her casket. Also, her casket will have four removable angel statues on each corner that will be given to each of the grandkids. Sally especially had a thing for angels and I can't tell you how perfect this is. Those angels will be priceless to us.

We have had an overwhelming amount of support come in from cards to emails to meals to well wishes. I can't tell all of you how much this has helped us to keep moving forward. Your words of comfort have been wonderful.

I've also found that it just doesn't feel right to be here at home. I feel like our place right now is over at my in-law's house. It's still hard to walk in the door there because you were always greeted by her with a big smile and welcome, but her presence is definately there and it has a calming effect on all of us. It just feels right to all be together right now. I'm not ready to go back to the "real" world yet.

My mom came down first thing Thursday morning and that has been a blessing. We've been able to get preparations taken care of without having to worry about which one of us would have to stay behind and take care of the kids or Sally's mom. She's also kept up our laundry which is a good thing or I'd be wearing blue panties with khaki capri's right now. (Humor has been key to getting us all through this.)

Well, it's time to start the day. The kids need baths, clothes need ironing and my sister-in-law and I need to go to the funeral home to set up all of the pictures. I wish today didn't have to happen, but it does and we'll get through it together.

In Loving Memory

Ryan put it perfectly tonight when he said, "It's not fair that Grandma died!" I couldn't have said it better myself.

We love you and miss you, Sally.

Thank You

Thanks to everyone for their well wishes. I'm not sure how well I'll do at stringing along sentences here, but my mother in law's death was very sudden and very unexpected. While it must have obviously been her to time to go, I'm not very accepting of that.

It happened last night around 7:15pm. She had gone out to dinner with her husband and mother. When leaving, she suffered a massive heart attack in the parking lot. Thank God it was fast and painless. She most likely didn't know what was happening.

It feels like a train wreck. Like losing my own mother. (If this feels like this, I don't want to know what that would feel like.) We told Ashley late last night when we got home from the hospital. She still hasn't stopped crying. She can't stop thinking about the fact that she'll never see her again. How do I tell my little boy when he gets home from school today that his Grandma is gone? That he'll never see her again? How do I stay strong for him when inside I just want to break?

So, yea. I thought I could do this right now. But it just hurts too much. I'll be back later.

Grief

My mother in law, my friend, my children's Grandmother, my husband's mother passed away unexpectedly tonight. We are all in shock and are greiving deeply. This shouldn't have been her time. I'm not sure where we go from here as the pain and hurt is way too deep.

Trim Up Tuesday

I'll admit it. I've spent the last week eating whatever I've wanted while I stayed away from the gym due to my leg injury. Yet I still lost one pound. I'm delightfully surprised. Let's just call it one last hurrah before cracking down and getting serious again. It's on!

My leg is much better, although I haven't tried doing anything other than cleaning with it. Tonight Ashley has volleyball practice, so I'm going to walk the track and see how it feels. If all goes well, I may try Body Step tomorrow. I *need* to get back to the gym - it's what keeps me on track. We'll see how it goes.

Today's update:

Weight

• I have lost 1 pound(s) since I started!
• I lost 1 pound(s) this week!

Exercise

• I worked out 0 time(s) this week.
• I did 0 hour(s) and 0 minutes of cardio this week.
• I did 0 hour(s) and 0 minutes of strength training this week.
• I did 14 hour(s) and 0 minutes of brisk activity this week. (Spring cleaning may be what saved me from gaining this week.)

Goals

• I did meet my last goal.
• My Last Goal Was: To heal and get back to the gym. I'm ready to give it a go again!
• My new goal is: To eat out less this week, which means I better crack down and plan some meals for my family that work with our "busy kids in sports" schedule.

AchOOO!

Did I say I was ready for spring? Either the trees are finally going to start returning to life or I stired up some serious dust with my whirlwind cleaning this weekend.

Spring Cleaning Series

Hosted by Sarcastic Mom

Hi. My name is Lynda and I'm obsessive about having a clean and clutter free home - unless it comes to my closets and other places of storage. Some have said they'd never believe it unless they were to see it. Once upon a time I use to have the time to put things away properly. Now it seems that the basic rule has become, "If you can't see it, it doesn't count."

Yesterday our focus was on the Master Bedroom closet. It's an out of control mess.

Oh, that's where I put the sewing machine! A friend of mine dropped off a pair of pants that needed a new hem - back in January - or was it December? - and I still haven't gotten to it.

Here you have the bulk of the mess. Oh, and did you not believe that I was obsessive? Note that I have a pair of every day gym shoes and a pair of "gym only" gym shoes.

Not cold enough outside for hats and gloves anymore? No problem, we'll just shove them in some gift bags and store them in our bedroom closet for now.

There's that walk in closet that we thought would be big enough for both of us to share! Maybe now he'll get more than one wall.

Crap. There's what was in the closet.

Four hours of organizing, fighting dust bunnies and child labor super nice helpful children carrying crap downstairs later, we have a clean and organized closet. Except that I want you to know that it is KILLING me that all of the hangers are NOT white. Can someone please send me some new hangers, please?

Hubby has been instructed that the order is now work out pants, office pants, jeans, short sleeve office, short sleeve casual, long sleeve casual, long sleeve office, and then jackets - and to stay to the left my robe please. If this doesn't work, we may have to resort to duct tape down the center.

Maybe next time I have to clean out the closet, we'll swap sides to screw with our heads. The things I do for entertainment! It sure is nice to be able to walk into the walk in closet.

My sanctuary.

Now I have to clean out the basement today where the kids and I dumped all of the crap at.

Oops, He Did It Again

Bret went to the pet store on his own again. And brought home a dumbo rat. A rat! It's time to put up a "Do not sell an animal or rodent to my husband." poster at every pet store within a 50 mile radius.

It's very deceiving. He's actually kind of cute looking at first, what with his cute dumbo ears (hence the name dumbo rat).

But then you see his tail (which is hidden here in case it gives you the heebie jeebies as it does me) that is some 10 feet long (ok, it seems) and it reminds you that he is a rat.

While I'm willing to give it the two week trial time that the pet store gives you, I'm having a hard time with the whole long rodent like tail thing. Just last year when the corn fields next door were being cut down, I almost had a nervous breakdown when a mouse ran in front of me when I grabbed the bathroom trash can.

We've done hamsters with both good and bad turn outs. Just this past month alone we've had two baby hamsters die in a week's time. The dumbo rat is suppose to be more domesticated than the hamster and I do have to admit that he is. He runs right to you, snuggles into your arm and is very playful. He might work out after all, if they keep that tail away from me.

My 3rd child husband also bought a leash for the thing. We're really going to end up with a reputation around here.