Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Bully Update

I've had a couple of people ask me how the situation with Ryan being bullied at school is going, so I thought I'd give a quick update.

We talked to the principal again yesterday to let her know that Ryan was still having problems with this boy at recess. She told me that all of the 1st and 2nd grade teachers have been told to watch the situation since this boy is in 2nd grade and they all take turns supervising recess. He's also been given a stern talking to by the principal.

Yesterday was the first day that Ryan came home and said that the boy hadn't been mean to him. In fact, the boy kept trying to tell Ryan jokes at recess yesterday and told him that he wanted to be his friend. Ryan was pretty confused and didn't really want to have anything to do with him. Could all of this be about not knowing how to make a friend? I'm stumped there.

I am a very forgiving person, and I've noticed that my kids are the same way, but if you mess with my kids the claws will come out. I admit that my first reaction is to get upset and vent about it, which is what I've done here and with other friends and family. Once I've calmed down I then address the situation.

While yesterday seemed to go well, I'm holding out on believing that this thing is resolved until some time passes. We shall see.

I have learned a few things about this boy and I'm willing to bet that his home life isn't very nurturing. I wouldn't be surprised if he receives at home what he dishes out at school. I may get some criticism for saying this, but I think the way your child acts and treats others is dependant on how you interact with them. You set the example and teach them the tools that they'll need to get through life. Some kids, sadly, don't ever get that.

I can't for a minute imagine either one of my kids being physically aggressive. It's just not in them. OK, Ryan may take out his frustration on an inanimate object that's upsetting him, but I honestly don't think that he (or Ashley) would ever intentionally do something that could hurt someone. They are way to compassionate for that.

So, we will wait and see how things progress this week. If need be, my next step is to involve the school counselor. She was a tremendous help when Ryan had such a difficult transition into Kindergarten.

We'll take it as it comes. Thanks to everyone for all of your support and offers to kick some "little punk a#*". I may be giving you a call...LoL.


maggie said...

I like your wait and see attitude as well as your compassion, and I do hope things work out.

Brandie said...

I have to disagree with "the way your child acts and treats others is dependant on how you interact with them". I am sure that's true in many cases, but not for me. I have a seven year old who just can't socialize. She's been this way since she was in daycare at 1 1/2 years old. She doesn't know how to play with people, how to get along with anyone, how to take turns. How to play. I have tried everything. She's in special social groups at school. I monitor her play with her sister and give her suggestions for how to play. Nothing works. On the other hand, my 4 year old is delightful, loves everyone, and everyone loves her. I might be inclined to think it was me if both the kids turned out that way. ... anyways, I'm open to suggestions on this matter if you have any.

Other than that, I'm really glad that things are looking up for you in this situation. Keep us posted!

Tasina said...

It does seem confusing that the bully is suddenly being nice. I think Ryan is right to be a little wary of him. Isn't it sad when our kids really learn how hard the world can be? I always wish I could keep that sense of innocence in my kids forever.

lynda w said...


I did mean to say "in many cases", but was typing in a hurry. I agree with you. There are situations where there is definitely somthing going on with the child that has nothing to do with parenting. That may be one of the reasons we may need to take this issue up with the school counselor if things don't improve.

When Ryan was 2, he had a hard time with socialization, too. It wasn't just his interaction with others that had us worried at the time. He had no pretend play skills, no intelligable speech, could barely communicate with people (which made him & us very frustrated and discipline was a difficult issue. In his case, it ended up being speech delay and hearing loss, but I was convinced for awhile there that he had some degree of autism. (Please don't freak out - I'm not suggesting that - I'm just telling you Ryan's history.)While we waited on the waiting list to be tested, we continued with therapy and he eventually emerged into the wonderful child that he is today. It wasn't until he was 5 that we learned he was hearing impaired, but I truely believe that keeping him in social settings was key to the change in him socially.

I'm not a professtional by any means, but my suggestion is to keep her in social settings where acceptable behaivor is modeled, but I'm sure you've already heard this. You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable, but have behavioral therapy with a child psychologist? I've heard nothing but good things about them - have even attended seminars by a well known one here in our area. They are probably so familiar with kids and social issues that they may notice if there are any "red flags" that pop up. I considered looking into that with Ryan when things were so difficult, but he eventually emerged through it when he was better able to communicate.

The one thing I have learned is that we are our child's best advocate. No one else knows them like we do. Your daughter is lucky to have you!