It Can Only Get Better From Here

Right?

After a really rough morning, dropping Ryan off at school this morning to give Ashley a break from his heartbreaking tears upon separation from her, things started looking up this afternoon. After emailing back and forth with his kindergarten teacher and the school counselor for the past two days, I feel like I finally have an idea of what is going on during the school day. Yesterday had been the lowest of lows when the Art teacher pulled Ashley out of lunch because Ryan was crying. It made things even worse because he couldn't handle it when she had to leave, upsetting him even more and then upsetting Ashley who had been handling things pretty well up to that point. We've now decided that Ryan is not Ashley's responsibility and that he needs to adjust on his own. (I know - I think a knife just shot through my heart, too). After taking him to school this morning and seeing him cry and try to cling to me, and then having to walk away while he called for me, I didn't know at that point if I was going to get through this. However, I got an email from his teacher this afternoon saying that he did really well this afternoon. The morning was rough for him, but by lunchtime the crying had stopped, he was playing with friends and participating in class. It makes me feel so much better to hear that.

I've learned over the past few days that this time in our lives is all about letting them go a little bit at a time. When we send them off to school, we loose a little bit of that childhood bond each year. I've seen it with Ashley. She's no longer our little girl anymore. She's a little mini adult now. She's independant and doesn't need us as much as she did in the past. Sad, isn't it? But isn't that what we really want in the end? For them to grow up and be able to take care of themselves? I think that may be why I've had such a hard time adjusting to Ryan going to school all day this year. It's not just the fear I see and feel in him - it's my own as well. My fear of losing him. It's just the natural progression of life though, and we have to accept it and move on, supporting them and being here when they need us.

But for now I'm going to hold on to them for as long as I can. That day will come soon enough when they are on their own and don't need us as much as they do now.