Cleaning Is My Enemy

There's something about cleaning my house that brings on stronger than usual tuggings to smoke, which may be why I've let the chores slack lately. My house is now clean and I dare you to find a dust bunny anywhere, but man those tuggings. I'd have to sit down and regroup and remember that it's been 41 days now since I quit and that I didn't really want one. What I wanted was a break - an excuse to procrastinate. But I got through it and am still proud of myself for being strong.

Did you know that when one quits smoking, their dog becomes depressed? Poor Daisy lays around looking at us with sad, mopey eyes and wonders what the heck is wrong with us. She misses her frequent field trips out to the side of the garage where we would be stay at home busy bodies and take inventory on what was going on in the neighborhood. Now I never think to go outside and Daisy doesn't tell us when she has to go - she just holds it. Plus I don't get my daily dose of neighborhood gossip anymore. I have no desire to go outside where it's usually cold and windy this time of year and I no longer need to go out and pretend smoke my short stubby straw or hollowed out cigarette that Bret stuffed with pieces of paper towel that first week of my quit. (I do still have little straws in every sweatshirt, jacket and jeans pocket I own though.) So, poor Daisy gets let out in the morning when the kids go to school and then by 2 or 3pm I realize she hasn't been out in forever and end up feeling like the world's worst dog owner. Thank goodness Bret remembers to feed her in the morning or she'd probably starve to death.

Anyway, my house is clean and the dog got to go outside tonight (after Bret reminded me 3 times) so I'm heading off to bed - before midnight for a change.

Attack Of The Dust Bunnies

Since becoming all consumed by Rock The House planning for Ryan's school, I admit I've let a few things slide. Ok, more than a few. I spent the first half of today finishing up my volunteer list and then closed the laptop with a loud thud and pushed it away, determined to tackle the tornado that went through my house over the past few days. It's not pretty. Normally my house is so clean you'd have a hard time finding dust, but today it even makes me sick. The dust bunnies are in full force plotting their attack. Everytime I get one room clean, they seem to be making a united stand in the next room. It has to have something to do with the furnace and heat ducts because it's never like this in the warmer months.

So, now that mine and the four kids' bellies are full of pizza and they are blissfully glued to their Nintendo DS's, I must go finish the battle against the dust bunnies. Damn things!

Your Turn

Over the past few days, I've been stressed out and busy working on the planning for our big school fundraiser that is held next month. Everything else seems to have been dropped by the wayside. ("Yes, I hear you!" she says to the moaning pile of dirty laundry and dishes.) Yesterday I literally sat at the kitchen table for the better part of the day calling all of our volunteers to straighten out a mistake that was made early in the school year. You see, our school had mail in registration this year instead of the 'ol normal registration day where you go in and do things in person, and all parents were asked to fill out a volunteer form and check off which areas they were willing to help out in. For the school carnival, we had many parents check off more than one committee - some as much as seven. I knew we should have called each one of them to clarify where they wanted to help out at, but that's not what was done and they were put onto every single committee that they checked off. So, I had to call and do damage control because parents were complaining that they were getting too many phone calls. It was all just a simple mix up over how to handle the sign up sheets, but it almost got out of control. Luckily, it was able to be taken care of before more of our Committee Chair's started making their phone calls. Yikes.

Moving on. (Pause.) Who am I kidding? This is where I need some suggestions from the peanut gallery. Each game that we're doing will be giving out prizes such as small erasers, pencils, bite size candy, yadda yadda yadda. But we have one special game that we want to be a huge success. Bret is over at my co-chair's house right now helping her husband build us a shiny spanking brand new Plinko game. This too will have prizes, but I really want them to stand out compared to the other games since this is "our baby". We need to have 3-4 different prizes that start out cheap and small and build up to cool. All under this game's $50 budget. That can accomidate 400 some players. My brain is tired, so I'm asking you to lend me some of your creativity. Any ideas? Pretty, pretty please?

What? It's Friday? When Did That Happen?

What a week. I think I've been sitting at the computer for 3 days straight working on plans for this school carnival. We had our second meeting last night and ran into a glitch with our volunteer list and spent quite some time emailing back and forth with each other last night to come up with a solution. So I spent most of today making phone calls and sending out emails trying to get it all straightened out. I don't have much of a voice left. In fact, two phone calls ago I had to ask the mom if I could call her back because my voice was completely frogish like. Thank goodness it's Friday.

Losing My Mind

It's been a pretty busy day over here today. I got myself all riled up about smoking bans in my earlier post, been obsessed with this game that I heard about over at Busy Mom and working on plans for the school carnival. Let's just say I've been in computer mode. Bret asked me tonight if I still needed an item that I had on our shopping list and I told him, "No, you can delete that." He's still laughing at me.

Get Over It

It's been a lot of fun reading people's comments on the website for our local newspaper here in Peoria, but I do feel sorry for them.

"... My husband and I are both smokers and we have decided we will no longer patronize bars and restaurants due to this smoking ban. I find it hard to believe this will not impact the bars and restaurants in Illinois. ... it's just hard to believe this will not impact especially the smaller business owners. The other thing is I'm still waiting for a ban on stinky perfume. I have asthma, that is not triggered by my smoking, but perfume will send me into a attack instantly..."

Hmm, your cigarette smoke doesn't bother you, but perfume does? I too, have asthma that is mostly exercise and allergy induced and smoking was the dumbest thing I could do to myself. When I went to bed and laid there wheezing and coughing, I was in denial, too.

While I do feel that the Illinois Statewide Smoking Ban is going to hurt some businesses and cost the state a whole lot of tax dollars as more and more people quit, I think smokers need to get over it. Now 36 days into my quit, I find myself thinking of myself as a true ex-smoker. It's a nice feeling. As a smoker, I wasn't thrilled about the smoking ban but there's not a whole lot you can do about it. As an ex-smoker, I'm relieved by the ban, simply because that means less temptation for me and my husband to light up, less exposure for my children and a whole new set of places that we and other family members who are highly sensitive to second hand smoke can go back to for eating out. (I'm free for lunch anytime, Mom-In-Law...LOL.)

The biggest change in myself since quitting has been that I am open to admitting to the denial that I so frequently defended as a smoker. It was bad for me. It was making me sick. It made me smell awful. Even though I smoked outside and never in my minivan, the smell of it on me was not healthy for my kids and now that I've gotten whiffs of it on others here and there, I'm sorry that I ever made my kids smell it and didn't give them the choice.

Inventory

Body parts that hate me for making it to Body Pump at Gold's this morning: biceps, triceps, shoulders, back, abs, quads, calves, knees and even my rear end. I think every muscle group was put through torture at some point over the course of that hour. Does anyone have a handicap bar they can install in the bathroom for me? Tomorrow is probably going to feel worse. However, if you're going to do it, do it all the way. Right?

Tomorrow I have two babies here, so I may not be able to swing a visit to the gym in. If I'm still really sore, I may go in as soon as the kids are off to school to walk it out on a treadmill before baby Luke gets dropped off. Chloe did great in the daycare there again. There was another little girl around her age that she attached herself to when we walked in. She loves other kids, so this is perfect for her. (I still wiped her down with antibacterial wipes right before we left, though!)

During my two visits to the gym this week I noticed a difference since the last time I went when I was still smoking. I'm (hang on...have to go look it up...it's amazing how I don't really keep track lately) 35 days into my quit and already see a difference. Yesterday on the elliptical machine, my heart rate was lower than it use to be when I first started and I didn't tired as quickly as I expected myself to. Then during Body Pump this morning I definitely noticed having more energy. But the biggest change since quitting? No cough and no shortness of breath or wheezing while working out. That is huge! I may just plan on going back early tomorrow morning regardless of what the day holds.

Motivated

I kept my word and dragged my butt to the gym this morning, even after both of my gym buddies had to back out. It was torture, but I got through it. I wasn't brave enough to endure Body Attack by myself (who was going to laugh with me if I made a complete idiot of myself?) but I did do two miles on the elliptical machine. I burned 247 calories. Not bad for the first day.

Chloe amazed me today. She hasn't done well being left in the daycare there in the past. More times than not they've had to come get me because she's crying and they can't console her. Because of this I've not pushed her to go, which results in not pushing myself to go, either. However, today she walked right in and didn't even notice when I left to go work out. She didn't cry at all, played with the other kids there and didn't want to leave when I came back to pick her up 30 minutes later. I am so proud of her! Hopefully tomorrow will go as well since I'm planning on going back to do Body Pump.

The kids went back to school today and were actually excited about it. Chloe and I are off to make a run to the Post Office and then I'm going to try and reclaim my house (and the remote control) while she naps.

Labels

I've spent the last few days cleaning up my labels and assigning labels to the first year and a half of my blog. They are now listed in the sidebar. I do want to mention that before all of you tell me that Ashley is neglected and Ryan is the favored child - Ashley can read and won't let me tell her funny/embarrassing stories and Ryan will most likely never forgive me when he can read more than sight words. It's all good though, right?

Tuggings

I'ts been more than a week since I've had those little tuggings to smoke and they hit me a few times while I was working on planning this school fundraiser today. In fact, I had to backtrack through my blog to see when the last time I was having a rough patch was. While this wasn't really a "rough patch", I was getting frustrated and having a hard time concentrating. In her comment to my earlier post, MamaFlo helped put into words what I was feeling. (Thank you, MamaFlo.) It's so great to have people who know what you're going through. People who can put your feelings into words for you (without realizing that's what they're doing) so that you understand. In turn you recognize more quickly what you need to do to get past it. I haven't forgotten about you, either Jamie. Thanks, again for the card and the support. You made my day.

So to get my mind off of the little tuggings earlier, I made coffee. Or, um, I tried to make coffee. Three times. I've got to get off this Starbucks Peppermint Mocha thing, because I've gained 8 pounds since the holidays and quitting smoking began. (Yep, so much for that lost 5 pounds in the beginning thing - I gained that back, plus 3 more.) So now, not only do I need to get serious about losing some weight, I also need to learn how to make a decent cup of coffee that doesn't taste like wet coffee grinds. (Gag.) Can someone please teach me how to make a cup of coffee?

Running Away

After spending 2 1/2 hours last night and another 3 hours so far today on planning for the carnival at Ryan's school, I've decided that I'm going to run away and not come back until the thing is over and done with at the end of February. (She screams like a madwoman while pulling her hair out in front of the computer moniter.)

How in the world did you ever manage to get us sucked into chairing this thing, Teri?

Has anyone else taking Chantix had a harder time concentrating while talking this drug?

Trading Up

My daughter has her best friend spending the night tonight. Her friend is making Ashley's bed and dusting her furniture. I am so going to have to send the wrong kid home tomorrow!

Rough Night

The Chantix dreams and nausea are back in full form. The nausea is probably due to not remembering to take the Chantix right after I eat, but it's also making me a little dizzy. Not remembering to take it may be a sign that I'll be ready to go off it when 12 weeks is up - we'll see.

Bret came home from work early yesterday due to an ear infection. He went up to Prompt Care to get an antibiotic and the doctor told him something about the Chantix that I haven't heard yet. First off, he said that Chantix is the only drug he's seen that really does help people stop smoking and that's he really impressed with the success rates. But he also said that after 21 days, you don't really need it anymore because by then the receptors in your brain have returned to normal. You're basically taking the drug at that point for psychological assurance. I hadn't heard that before. Has anyone else heard this?

So, not only is the nausea back, but the wierd dreams and insomnia are, too. Last night was rough. It was freezing cold in our bedroom, Bret was snoring and kept poking me with his foot (which makes me jump a mile high) and I couldn't fall asleep for anything. And that was with ear plugs in. So I took my pillows and camped out on the couch with a sleeping bag and laid awake for another hour, wishing I hadn't taken the ear plugs out because our wall clocks wouldn't stop ticking. If I hadn't been so cold, I would have thrown them into the garage. Once I did fall asleep, I woke up a short time later due to some crazy dream that I can't even really remember now.

Life must go on, though. The kids and I have a lunch date at Mickey D's at 11am with Shawn, so I must run. We're going to motivate each other into going back to the gym. She's been better about it than I have and it should make going back more fun. Here's a little preview of what Monday will be like.

Peace Of Mind

Okay. I jumped the gun. I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. When I took the kids to see our new/old doctor today, he was much better. No double questions. Friendlier. Better sense of humor. Very attentive to what's been going on with the kids since he last saw them 3 years ago. Laughed at my jokes. He must have been having a bad day yesterday and mentioned to us today that he's fighting the nasty cold that's been going around. I was happy with the way things went today and all is forgiven. Everyone is entitled to an off day every once in awhile.

Mostly, I'm relieved that he seems to agree with our previous doctor's diagnosis in regards to the bruising that Ashley had biopsied on the back of her leg. He thinks it's nothing serious, but is waiting on her records to be transfered over so he can see the biopsy report before he decides what to do next. He may send her to a dermatologist just so that we can finally find out what it is and move on.

He seemed impressed with Ryan's progress in the last three years. Couldn't believe how much both kids have grown and laughed when I said that Ryan hadn't stopped talking since he got out of bed this morning. Three years ago Ryan didn't have but a handful of hard to understand words in his vocabulary due to his hearing loss. We were still trying to figure out what was going on with him at that point. (For more on that, click on the link in the sidebar for "Live Journal".) It's amazing what therapy can do for a kid.

So all is good. We're really going to miss our last doctor, but life has to go on.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go whoop my husband's butt on the Madden Football game that he got for Christmas on the Nintendo Wii.

Cuties

Chloe is back and still cute as ever. Ryan was really excited to see her today.

Ashley is going to start taking offense if Chloe keeps doing this to her, though.

Must. Get. Warm.

Our power was only out for three hours this morning, but it has yet to warm up in here. The thermostat reads 69, but it lies! My toes are like ice and I'm just plain cold.

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I had my appointment to get re-established with our old doctor from 3 years ago and was rather disappointed. I don't find him good looking anymore. Stop laughing - that's not what I was really going to say. While he's not quite so eye candyish anymore, that's not really the problem.

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I was a bit put off by his not so great bedside manner. The kids and I loved him 3 years ago and were crushed when we had to change doctors. We thought he was great. But today he didn't seem very friendly. He seemed stressed out, unfriendly and kept asking me the same questions repeatedly. Isn't your doctor suppose to be smarter than you?! No, for the second time - I don't need any refills. And no, for the 3rd time - I'm not having any problems. (Or does he have me confused with a different patient with short term memory loss and chronic problems?) (Quiet now, Bret.) Anyway, I was disappointed.

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I kept trying to talk to him about how I quit smoking and am taking Chantix and he couldn't keep the number of days I have been quit straight either. He also told me that I can only take it for 12 weeks. When I asked him about weening off of it, he said that usually people just stop taking it. Um, that's not what I've heard. Sigh. I was really hoping to stay on it for a bit longer than 3 months, but we'll see. It was my OB/GYN that actually prescribed it and I have my yearly appointment (sorry, TMI) in two weeks, so I'll bring it up with her instead.

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So, is my new (actually old) doctor on drugs or maybe he was just not feeling well? He did seem a little congested. But, seriously? He wasn't even really laughing at my jokes and I'm funny. Really, I am.

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Both Ashley and Ryan have their appointments with him tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get a better impression then. Maybe it's just me he doesn't like. Humph. My little innocent crush is so over.

Yaaawwwnnnn

Single digit temperatures + power outage at 4am = NO SLEEP.

Happy 2008

So how many of us are going to have trouble remembering to write "08" instead of "07"?

Last night, we went over and stayed with Bret's Grandma while his parents went out for New Year's. It was a nice quiet night spent with family watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on TV. We watched the ball drop in New York at 11pm and then headed home. I'm sad to report that Ryan and I were in bed before the clock even struck midnight. But on the bright side, Bret and I have officially made it through to 2008 as nonsmokers.

Tomorrow is going to be a crazy day. After more days off than I can count, Bret goes back to work and Chloe returns. (For those of you new friends of mine, Chloe is one of the babies I watch during the week.) I have my "get reaquainted with my old doctor from three years ago" appointment tomorrow since the City of Peoria decided to up and change insurance providers on us. Three years ago we had to go through all of this when Bret went to work for the city. Now that we've gotten use to all new doctors, we have to change back again. (Secretly, I'm okay with this as I refer to my old doctor as eye-candy. It's ok, Bret knows about my little crush and is letting me go back to him anyway. LoL.)

We did finally manage to go see Alvin & The Chipmunks today. (We didn't make it last week.) The kids seemed to like it and I thought it was hilarious, but then again I grew up watching The Chipmunks every day. Bret spent most of the movie wishing he hadn't taken his iPod out of his coat pocket before we left.

Well, I better call it a night so I can drag myself out of bed before Chloe gets here in the morning. That's the bad thing about having a week and a half to sleep in - it throws your body completely out of whack!

If I Could Get The Chance

If I could get the chance to say one thing to one person, it would be...

Dear Man At The Gas Station,

You have managed to change my life. On the Friday afternoon, the day after Thanksgiving, I ran into you at the Shell Gas Station while paying for my gas before leaving town for a weekend up in Chicago. I was also paying for cigarettes. You made a joke about saving a lot of money if I would just quit. We laughed and then you told me that the only reason you made the comment was because you had quit a month ago on Chantix. You changed my life that day.

You see, I had been looking into the drug for sometime now, but had never had the opportunity to ask someone who was actually taking it about the side effects. When you told me that you hadn't had any and that if you did, they would be better than dying, you triggered something deep inside me.

The following Monday when I arrived back in town, I called my doctor first thing and asked for a prescription for the Chantix. I have now been smoke free for 26 days and never before imagined that it could be this easy. You told me that it would be and you were right. Never before would I have believed that a stranger could have such a big impact in my life and I hope to have the chance to have an impact like that on someone else some day.

Thank you. I will now live a healthier, smoke free life. A life where I'll get to see my children grow up, get married and have kids of their own. As I approach my one month anniversary of being a nonsmoker, I'll think of you and wish you luck that you're still doing well, too.

Thank you,

Lynda

If you had the chance to say something to one person, what would it be?

Worth It

There are days when all you want is some quiet time to yourself. Days when the kids are loud, the house is a cluttered mess, the dog is looking at you pathetically because it's been forever since you've taken her outside and the laundry your worked so hard to get under control last week is quickly piling up again.

And then you begin getting your son ready for bed. He spends two minutes telling you that he's not tired enough to go to sleep, even though it is almost 10:30pm. And then, after you go to tell your daughter that it's time to get ready for bed and she doesn't argue with you about it for a change, you go to check on your son (1 minute after you left his room) and he's snoring away, most likely dreaming of Webkinz and baseball.

These are the days you want to hold on to. To lock the day in a box to revisit later when they are too old for hugs and kisses and you putting them to bed at night.