Attention: Long Lost Blogger Found

It's been awhile. I realize that. Things have been so crazy around here since we got this puppy. It almost feels like we brought home an overly hyper and curious toddler last weekend. Things actually got pretty stressful around these parts.

Mack came home last weekend and by Monday morning he was running a 104 fever and very lethargic. I took him to (a very expensive) vet appointment to find out that his kennel cough had progressed into a secondary bacterial infection. He's been taking antibiotics (which are *so* fun to shove down his throat twice a day) and he seems to be almost over it. His cold like symptoms are still around but I think he's at the tail end of it.

Daisy got sick, too. The same day I took Mack to the vet I brought home some Nylabones for the dogs to chew on. Daisy chewed hers up into chunks and was throwing them up by 4:30am the following morning. We were getting pretty worried about her, praying that she didn't have a blockage. Two days of vomiting later, she had gotten over it.

Mack is doing awesome in the house training department. He's had no accidents in the house over the past 4 days and is the sweetest thing. Daisy seems to be tolerating him for the most part, but when Mack tries to initiate her in play, Daisy goes ballistic on him. We have no idea how to handle that. I know we have to let her assert herself as dominant dog, but my gut tells me that we should only be letting her "respond" to him to a certain aggressive level. We were given the number of a animal behaviorist when we adopted Mack and I'll be calling her tomorrow. Those times stress us out a lot and we really need to figure out how to deal with it if we want Mack to work out.

Last, but not least - we all have horrible head colds. For the last few days I've thought that maybe Ashley and I were fighting allergies, but Bret and Ryan both started getting the whole sneezing, head congestion, stuffy nose thing today. I'm hoping we're over it by Christmas later this week.

Three days until Christmas Eve. How the heck did that happen? It seemed like it was so far away and now all of a sudden it's about to be here and gone. The kids are starting to get really excited. We caved and opened up gifts between each other tonight which made the kids really happy to get a gift each ahead of Christmas.

Thankfully, we're ready for Christmas to come. We're anticipating that it may be a little sad and hard at times since this will be our first Christmas without Bret's mom, but we've worked hard to make sure it's a good one.

If I don't get back here before - Have a Merry, Merry Christmas!

Hope

Towards the end of last school year, we were pretty worried about Ryan academically. He went through a lot of testing and the results left us pretty discouraged and worried about his future. We managed to get through the end of the school year with some progress made.

Now we have just completed the first quarter of this new school year and I am amazed at how well Ryan is catching up. Tonight was our parent/teacher conference with his teacher and I must tell you that I was expecting a lot of low grades since that seemed to be the norm last year. I am happy to report that his report card was a lot better!

While he still has some struggles when it comes to reading comprehension and writing, his reading fluency is really coming along. One month ago, Ryan was reading 41 words a minute. And now? 81! He doubled it in one month!

Reading and Writing struggles aside, he's doing excellent in all other areas. His confidence level is growing. That was one of the things that broke my heart into a million little pieces. If something was too hard for him to grasp, he'd get very frustrated - because he knew that he was supposed to be able to do it, but couldn't. Now, he's showing more confidence and his self esteem has improved as well. He no longer fights us when it's time to sit down and do school work.

I'm teary eyed right now. I'm so proud of him. I'm less worried. I see the progress. I'll never get tired of hearing him read out loud.

Six months ago tonight, we lost my mother in law. It was easily the most awful night of our lives. Tonight is particularly tough, because she is the person we would most love to share this with. She beamed with pride when it came to her grandchildren - wanted to know every detail of their lives. This would have made her more proud than any straight A report card because it gives us all hope. It shows us that Ryan will catch up and will succeed.

Trying For "Normal"

My mother-in-law's funeral services this weekend were beautiful. No one has counted, but if I had to guess I'd say there had to have been over 200 people that came to say goodbye to Sally at her visitation on Saturday. That day was a lot easier to get through than I thought it would be.

Yesterday was the most difficult day yet for me. I've always been a very spiritual person and I believe that there are things out their that we can't not make sense of or understand. Since she passed away last Wednesday night, it feels likes she's been with us. Maybe she has been or maybe I just need to feel that way so that I can get through this, but it really has helped. After our final goodbye's at the funeral home yesterday morning, we waited in the foyer while they closed the casket so the pallbearers could carry her out. During that exact time, the grandfather clock near us started chiming. It could have been planned or it could have been coincidence, but it felt to me like it symbolized her passing. It was almost as if at that moment, she was telling us that that she was moving on and that it was time for us to do so as well.

We went on to her final resting place after that and had a quick blessing. The ceramic angels were taken off of her casket and given to us for each of her grandchildren, along with a flower each from the casket spray. We stayed to watch the casket put into the vault of the mausoleum and it was during that time that I lost it. When the granite stone was being placed over the opening of the vault and I could no longer see her casket, I broke down and let it all out.

Things have gotten better for us now. Bret tried to go back to work today, but may come home if it gets to be too much for him. I went over and got his Grandma out of bed and bathed and dressed her this morning. The kids went back to school and Ashley has Volleyball practice tonight, but we'll all gather at Bret's parent's house again tonight, I'm sure. Life goes on, but it may take a bit longer to get back on track.

Getting By

It's only been less than 4 days since Sally passed away, but it feels like so much more time has passed. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and I'm sure we've only partially made our way through them. All of the busy work of planning has helped - I never knew how much planning went into a funeral.

One of the things that we've been putting a lot of work into are picture memorials. We have 3 huge collages made of pictures of Sally from birth to present to show how much meaning her life has had. Some of those pictures and her obituary can be viewed at http://www.mem.com/. Her last name is the same as ours and her first name is Sally. I will warn you that the movie is difficult to watch - it will be playing at the funeral home and we've all broken down when watching it already. If you don't know our last name and would like to visit the site, just leave me your email address in the comments and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

The kids seem to be doing much better. We've all been surrounded by family, and being able to play with their cousins from sun up to sun down has really helped them get through this. The rest of us still have our moments when the water works come with no warning, but I think the shock is starting to wear off and the acceptance is beginning to come.

Visitation and funeral services are this afternoon (with the burial tomorrow morning) and will probably bring the grief back all over again, but hopefully closure will follow. We've all been putting together mementos that are important to each of us to place in the memory drawer of her casket. Also, her casket will have four removable angel statues on each corner that will be given to each of the grandkids. Sally especially had a thing for angels and I can't tell you how perfect this is. Those angels will be priceless to us.

We have had an overwhelming amount of support come in from cards to emails to meals to well wishes. I can't tell all of you how much this has helped us to keep moving forward. Your words of comfort have been wonderful.

I've also found that it just doesn't feel right to be here at home. I feel like our place right now is over at my in-law's house. It's still hard to walk in the door there because you were always greeted by her with a big smile and welcome, but her presence is definately there and it has a calming effect on all of us. It just feels right to all be together right now. I'm not ready to go back to the "real" world yet.

My mom came down first thing Thursday morning and that has been a blessing. We've been able to get preparations taken care of without having to worry about which one of us would have to stay behind and take care of the kids or Sally's mom. She's also kept up our laundry which is a good thing or I'd be wearing blue panties with khaki capri's right now. (Humor has been key to getting us all through this.)

Well, it's time to start the day. The kids need baths, clothes need ironing and my sister-in-law and I need to go to the funeral home to set up all of the pictures. I wish today didn't have to happen, but it does and we'll get through it together.

In Loving Memory

Ryan put it perfectly tonight when he said, "It's not fair that Grandma died!" I couldn't have said it better myself.

We love you and miss you, Sally.

Thank You

Thanks to everyone for their well wishes. I'm not sure how well I'll do at stringing along sentences here, but my mother in law's death was very sudden and very unexpected. While it must have obviously been her to time to go, I'm not very accepting of that.

It happened last night around 7:15pm. She had gone out to dinner with her husband and mother. When leaving, she suffered a massive heart attack in the parking lot. Thank God it was fast and painless. She most likely didn't know what was happening.

It feels like a train wreck. Like losing my own mother. (If this feels like this, I don't want to know what that would feel like.) We told Ashley late last night when we got home from the hospital. She still hasn't stopped crying. She can't stop thinking about the fact that she'll never see her again. How do I tell my little boy when he gets home from school today that his Grandma is gone? That he'll never see her again? How do I stay strong for him when inside I just want to break?

So, yea. I thought I could do this right now. But it just hurts too much. I'll be back later.

Grief

My mother in law, my friend, my children's Grandmother, my husband's mother passed away unexpectedly tonight. We are all in shock and are greiving deeply. This shouldn't have been her time. I'm not sure where we go from here as the pain and hurt is way too deep.