4 Days

Do you know how long it's been since I made it this long without smoking? Not since Bret & I went to Vegas and I ruined a nine month stretch.

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(Blogger doesn't want to double space my paragraphs again!)

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It started off pretty easy, but by day 3 I started struggling. I wasn't anticipating it getting worse before it got better. Days 3 and 4 sucked. I escaped to my room to read in seclusion both nights. I resorted to pretending to smoke a plastic straw and an actual cigarette that Bret hollowed out and stuffed with pieces of paper towel to get me through the worst 2 days of my life thus far. (OK, that may indeed be an exaggeration, but it wasn't fun. Plus I'll probably die for admitting that when I go back and reread this.)

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It's not the nicotine I need, though. It's the awful habit. Like when I first get up in the morning. I always go outside. When Chloe goes down for her nap. I go outside. When she goes home. I go outside. After I eat. Outside. When I'm tired or bored. When I get home from running errands. Outside, again. Ugh. It's sickening when I look back and face it now. How awful I must have smelled, even if I did spray myself down every time I came in. (I have thoroughly enjoyed spoiling myself with Bath & Body Works products this week and am in awe when half way through the day I can still smell them.)

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But I made it to day 5 and we're all still on speaking terms here. Bret starts talking his Chantix next week and hopefully by then, I'll be a great source of support for him. He really has been great throughout this. I've tried my best to remain calm and avoid stressful situations all week so I don't end up taking it out on someone else. Hopefully they all understand that when I go off to be by myself, I'm just trying to get through a rough patch.

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Here's to 5 days and many more!!!

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(I should have pictures for you later from the birthday party Bret has taken Ryan to this morning.)

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Update: Obviously in my current mental state of withdrawl, I've forgotten how to count. Today is actually only 4 days. Still pretty good, though.